Kendil Banks Interview Transcription
12/11/24
Brooke: Okay. Um, are you ready to get started?
Kendil: Yeah. I’m good.
Brooke: Okay. Okay. What is your name?
Kendil: Uh, Kendil Banks
Brooke: Where are you from?
Kendil: Buffalo, New York.
Brooke: And what do you do for a living?
Kendil: Uh, I teach and choregraph dance. Dance teacher, choreograph- and I judge, for a dance competitions.
Brooke: How did you get started dancing?
Brooke: Um… my mom put me in when I was three. I didn’t like going. I would cry for a long time, but, um, I started going when I was three and then I just, like, never stopped.
Brooke: And how did that turn into your career?
Kendil: I honestly think it’s just… it was just, like, instilled in me. Um, it’s hard to be like, oh, well, who like, motivated you? I honestly myself like- I- very like- I just decided one day that, okay, I’m going to do this for the rest of my life. And I think I decided that at like ten years old. So honestly, it was just it was just al- it’s always been a part of my life.
Brooke: Um, describe like… your general childhood outside of dance.
Kendil: …Like just like… daily life. Or-
Brooke: Yeah… yeah.
Kendil: Um. I mean, I didn’t grow up like… like it wasn’t a healthy environment. So, dance really… saved me. Like I had dance to distract me from a lot of wh- of what was going on at home, um, and in, like, my community and stuff like that. So… I don’t- And I- hope that’s like detailed enough I- it was-
Brooke:Yeah.
Kendil: It just wasn’t a good childhood but because I had dance, it was, very easy to just like, distract me from and not get into what I could have been getting into.
Brooke: Did you ever face any discrimination because of your race as a child?
Kendil: Oh yeah, all the time. The studio that I grew up at, um, I was the only… like, brown/black person on the competition team- (alarm starts going off) I’m so sorry, on the competition team. Um… so… at the time, I didn’t know, like they were doing it. But now, like, as you get older and you look back, you’re like, wow, like things that they said, or like how they treated me just like, wasn’t right. Like, I remember this one time… an older girl on the older, like, competition team told me I had good feet for a black girl. And at the time, I was like, I don’t even know what that means. Bu- But I took it as like a compliment and I’m like, I don’t- Is that like a good thing? But now that I’m like 31 years old, I’m just like, wow, Like that was actually like really, um, a racist thing to say. Like it was very- Yeah, it was very wrong.
Brooke: Did you-
Kendil: So yes, I did… um, a lot… at the studio that I grew up at.
Brooke: Did you see the effects of that more in yourself as like a child, a young adult, or like, an adult?
Kendil: I struggled, um… because… when I- it- it was like I wasn’t allowed to be who I was as a dancer, at this specific studio, um, and every time, like… we’d have, like, a hip hop class or something like that, I’d be like- it was just like, oh, well she’s the black girl, so she can do all this stuff for, like, she should be in front. And I struggled really bad with knowing, who I am as a dancer. Um, as a Black dancer. I’m also biracial, so like it- I struggled with, like, identity a lot in the dance world because I didn’t know… like, what was right. Like I- it was just a lot of confusion growing up as a dancer, like in my younger… like, my younger years into like my early teens.
Brooke: When did you start to see a shift in like that, turning into more of like, a powerful thing for you?
Kendil: Um, when I we- when I moved to, um, New York, for college. So… I met a lot of friends that ar- are from there. Alo- I met a lot of people that are from like Brooklyn, the Bronx, Harlem. And then I had a lot of friends from Jersey. Being around a community that looks like you, that all enjoy- have a love of dance, helped me a lot. Um, a couple of my professors helped me and then- when I… then started to train at Future after I finished college, it was like… I mean I-, cause I finished at like 19. So like, after – uh, came home at 19, um… they actually like, really- like Denise and Gino, actually helped me a lot, like, know who I am. Like, they embraced my hair. I never… was able to, like, wear my hair down, like, and they just embraced, exactly who I am and helped me learn a lot about where dance actually is rooted from.
Brooke: Nice. Um, what did you go to school for?
Kendil: Oh, dance (laughs). Dance but we also had like musical theater, acting, voice production. So, like, we did a lot of- I did a lot of, like, everything in college.
Brooke: Okay. I didn’t know that.
Kendil: Mhm… yeah girl (laughs).
Brooke: (laughs) Okay. Um, so… now, um, after facing all of that discrimination, what does being a black woman mean to you?
Kendil: Oh… resilient. Um…. Worthy, for sure. I don’t feel uh- Now at this age, and at this point in life, I don’t feel any less… and no offense, like a white woman, that’s a deal- Like I no longer feel less than. So very powerful and resilient for sure. Those- I feel like those are like, two words I can describe right now how I feel.
Brooke: Um, when did you first hear about the Black Lives Matter movement?
Kendil: Uh, honestly… around the- the… like after the… the killing of George Floyd.
Brooke: Mhm.
Kendil: Mhm
Brooke: And what was your like initial reaction to seeing that?
Kendil: I- I didn’t Um… I didn’t understand. I… I remember, like, sitting on the couch, and I was just, like, watching… and I was like, wait, this isn’t, like, real. Like why is he… like, why would that man do that kind of thing? Um… it- it was like… You’re, like, frozen in time. You’re just like, wait, that’s not like, this isn’t happening. And then just the way, like, everything blew up after, it was just… a lot. And then it- it honestly, like, ignited something in me and, like, made me look at… myself as a mother that’s raising a black woman- um, eventually a black, young woman and… being an educator… Um… it uh- a dance edu- it was just like… yeah, you’re just frozen. I was very shocked. I was taken back. I didn’t know how to vent. I didn’t know, like… what to say. It was just- It was hard. It was a hard time.
Brooke: Did you participate directly in a Black Lives Matter protest?
Kendil: No, uh, because… m- my sisters and my mom feared for like, my safety, because I’m a mom, So I was… um, encouraged not to go, as much as I would have loved to go because everything was so violent in that moment.
Brooke: Right.
Kendil: Like violence was like, leading a lot. So, they were just like, no you’re just going to stay home. But I got to watch my beautiful sisters go and… stand up for, you know, rights (laughs) but no, I did not.
Brooke: How did like… hearing about their experiences, at the protests, like, impact you.
Kendil: It was so emotional… Um, I know my younger sister… like g- actually got into, like an argument with a cop and was like, an- and there fa- like- it was- it was very emotional. But I was also very proud that I’m around… people…. that si- Don’t have any shame in, like standing up for what’s right, um, and our rights. So yeah, just very emotional overall. Um… and they were emotional but also like very hype So, uh… it felt like I was there in like spirit. Yeah. For sure.
Brooke: Oh. Um, what has been your experience raising a daughter as a black mother?
Kendil: Um… it’s- it’s… it’s tough. It- It- It’s tough because I-I’ve always said I always want to make her aware… Um… but I’m also someone- I mean, me and my family are also people. That’s like well we also want her to, like, lead with love. Like we don’t want you to like… Dwell too much into- at that- her age like, dwell too much into like… her DNA’s history but also like I’m very- I’m very honest with her. So, she ask a lot of questions and I answer them truthfully. Um, you know, there are sometimes where I’m like, well… people has like- kids have said things to her and I’m just like, well, that’s actually like not right. So she knows what racism is. She knows that, sometimes she’ll be treated differently because of the color of her skin. But she’s also seen that because of… the way the world is now- Like she’s just… naturally seen it, like on TV and stuff and the way people treat each other. And she’ll ask questions. Um, so it is rough, because I want her to be confident in who she was and not have the struggles that I did.
Brooke: Mhm
Kendil: But it’s also different for her because she’s in a- especially in the dance world. She’s in a studio where it’s like a lot more diverse than where I’ve been, where I grew up. So… yeah, it’s a- it’s a challenge, and I love it and I wouldn’t change it- it- but it- it can be challenging at times.
Brooke: What is the most important value you try to instill in her?
Kendil: Um… honestly, just… knowing who she is… as a- as a bl- wel- cause she is, as a black woman and just knowing that she’s just as worthy. And we’ve ha- I- I- I’ve actually had those conversations with her, I’m like, well, you know that. Like, you’re just as worthy as, the girl at school that does not look like you. That said, those things you like, that doesn’t- that doesn’t matter. Like you’re just as worthy, um, and just to love, but also just to be cautious and aware. So j- I’m- I’m just teaching her to be aware, of her… who she keeps around her and things like that. But definitely her worth, for sure.
Brooke: This is kind of backtracking a little, but…
Kendil: Oh, that’s okay.
Brooke: Um, going back to like, the Black Lives Matter, the protesting aspect of it, um, what was your presence like on social media at that time, and how did you spread your message?
Kendil: Vocal. I did a lot of, um, I feel like too, because we’re dancers and artists- and artists, like, it’s- when stuff like that happens, like, it’s very hard to, like, get out how you feel if you’re not operating in your craft. So… I was very vocal on social media, especially- especially in the dance world, because I had to, like, reflect on, the people I surround myself with, like things that have been said to me. And then where I actually grew up, like the studio that I actually grew up in, that I had to, like, dissect everything that I’ve been through, and I had to really… put, big girl pants on and just be like, no, like, this was- this has been wrong for a long time, like for- well- for year- And we all know that, like years on years and years, generations, generations, generations But, like… It was- I was just very vocal, and very present and a lot of, um, older, dance teachers… like, previous dance teachers and like even, older, Like, a lot of… other students, or like people that I’ve danced with just did not like it, but I didn’t care. So yeah, I was very present, on social media about it, very vocal.
Brooke: Did you see any sort of correlation between, like, how the Black Lives Matter movement was being, um… presented in the media… like, related to Covid 19 and the fact that we were in quarantine?
Kendil: Um… I don’t really know how to answer that…meaning like-
Brooke: Do you think things would have played out differently had we not been in quarantine?
Kendil: I- Uh, yeah. I- I think it may have been a little worse… because there were so many restrictions on where you can go. How many people like who would the- like, who wanted to wear a mask going out, who didn’t want to wear a mask? Um, I do think so. I think it would have played out, a little worse. Either that, or… it would have been swept under, the rug… because not everyone…- was at home, or just, isolated in one space. And then retrieving all this information from the news and social media. So I do think it could- it could have went two different ways. Um, that’s actually like, a really good question, cause it could have like- it could have just been swept under the rug… like, oh, this cop killed this guy. That’s it. Like, it would- it wo- the video probably would have gone out, but I don’t- it would not have been as big or it would have been, bigger, or just worse, in my opinion.
Brooke: Yeah.
Kendil: And I think it could have went, different ways. Mhm.
Brooke: What are some of the lasting impacts you see, um, like in your community from the Black Lives Matter movement.
Kendil: Um, like dance community or like, community like, overall?
Brooke: Overall. And dance community, like-
Kendil: Um, well… I feel like- I feel like- Well, here in Buffalo, it’s definitely… It- It’s still a thing because of the Tops shooting. So like, now, here in this community, like during that whole time, Black Lives Matter was just like very… present. And it- it was- it- and it still should be, Um… I feel like… th- the community hasn’t been taken care of the way it should have after the shooting. And I- And that just goes to, back to why that movement is that movement. Because I feel like the world just still isn’t understanding. Um… in the- in the dance community, I do think that we’re surrounded by people who do agree and are very respectful of… the movement. Um, I think there are some that are ignorant to it. So, just different affects like overall-
Brooke: Mhm.
Kendil: For sure. Mhm.
Brooke: Um, how do you display messages of, um…. I guess, like, social injustices, and bringing light to those through your choreography?
Kendil: I just create. So, I mean… you know, after the George Floyd thing, I created a routine… I- we did a video project to Strange Fruit, um, (clears throat), the Nina Simone version, which talks about lynching of Black, Amer- like- uh, African, Americans in America… So… I did- me and my sister did a pr- I did the choreography; she did the videography. And we made that project because at that time it’s just like… What else can we do? Cause we’re- like, we’re creatives. We’re artists. Like, how can I show… how I’m feeling, through my art? And that’s what we did. We created, that project just to spread awareness. And it- it did blow up a little bit. And then years later… I, put it on- I set it on a studio that took it to… competition stages, which was, very controversial, but it was so needed. So I’m just so happy I do- I did it. So I just create. I create based off of how I’m feeling. Um… I did, the, routine to Candles last year, Candles in the Sun, which talks about injustice and, you know, the low income communities and things like that. And… if I feel inspired by it, I’m just going to create to it, especially if it relates to like Black Lives Matter or injustices within, like the system, for sure. Yeah.
Brooke: What kinds of principles do you try to instill in your dance students?
Kendil: Um, just education. So, making sure that… you guys, or them, now, are educating themselves on the history of dance and where it’s rooted from, because it’s one thing to… just (clears throat) be a dancer and just, you know, dance through it and, you know, take up all these different styles, but it’s a different thing than to actually study them, and respect it, and then go into executing… the style, whatever dance world you want to be in, like just knowing and respecting the culture of dance. Um… and even to dancers of, color, just knowing their worth, too. And then dancers not so of color, just also supporting their peers that are- like, just being supportive and just knowing your worth, but also just doing the work at home to know… this is why dance is, and this is why you have it. So just know that you know the history of it for sure.
Brooke: Mhm. Sorry (muffled background noise)
Kendil: (laughs)
Brooke: Okay. (laughs). Um, can you talk a little bit more about, uh, like, the roots, of dance and how that… uh, displays itself in your choreography?
Kendil: Yeah. So, dance is really rooted and African and Indigenous, even Hispanic cultures, So it goes like way back. Um… just, a brief example, like, dance was used for slaves to communicate cause you couldn’t- they weren’t allowed to like, talk. So, um… and that goes for like, tap dancing, like all- all of that type of dancing, like, is rooted in those cultures. And, even today, it’s not like I’m… like, perfect about knowing it. But even today, I’m constantly studying. So everything- every time I learn something new, I either bring it to the classroom or into my choreography. I do think, especially this year, I do think a lot of my choreography is like, African rooted, and you’ll see like little snippets with like a twist of like, my, like, contemporary style. Um… and I do it because it just feels good to- like to me, as I’m choreographing it. And then, I can see, all of my students like taking to it, and then… it feels good uh- it feels good to them, too. So, I feel like that’s how I know I’m, like, doing the right thing by bringing it to light in the classroom and into choreography, because it’s more than just steps, it’s a feeling… Um, it’s- it’s spiritual. It’s- It’s all those things. So, um, I think I, I think I’m doing it right.
Brooke: Yeah. I will say even being here, like, contemporary is so different. Like, I miss your style a lot.
Kendil: Aww. (laughs) thanks.
Brooke: Um, what kinds of… well, have you faced any, um, critiques to your work… about it not being, like, your typical, contemporary style?
Kendil: Yeah. Um… yes. People will say it’s too- It’s too much. Um… I remember a couple of years ago when you guys did, um, it’d be like, three years ago now when we did Mental War, do you remember that dance?
Brooke: Yes.
Kendil: Um, a lot of people were saying that you guys were, like, over-emoting… I- over emoting or like- the- like, the movement was weird. You guys were dancing weird, and, I didn’t take, offense to it. But in that moment, I knew that they were not, on, the same, um, level as I am when it comes to like, creating and being creative and being, like, spirited in dance. So, yeah, I mean, all the time, and it’s- and I- it’s not for everyone. Like it’s not, for everyone. I know that some people will be, um, uncomfortable. And I think it’s just because, I just, I just put out there like what I feel
Brooke: Mhm.
Kendil: That and I- I feel like so connected to, like, my ancestors and stuff. So I just like, “oh, I feel like this is like what they’re telling me.” Or God, I’m just like, “oh, yeah, I’m just going to like, do what God tells me” and then just put it out there. So, I always say, there’s a difference between a choreographer doing it because they actually, um, have the passion, um, to create next to a choreographer who is just- we talk about it all the time like we don-, I’m not doing it for a trophy. I’m doing it because I actually like, love creating. And it’s always those people that are like, that’s too much and- or that’s like too dramatic or… and at the end of the day it’s really not. If anything, my stuff when I was like, an up- when I was like, upcoming choreographer and teacher, was like a little over the top (laughs) if I’m being honest. But now I’m just like, no, this is actually just like, dance. But, yeah, I mean, all the time it- it’s- I used to take it personal, but I don’t, anymore. (laughs) I don’t.
Brooke: I- I, um, rewatched Mental War like, and it was probably like two months ago.
Kendil: Uh-huh.
Brooke: And I, was like, watching it back now that the dance was, like, so long ago, I was like, this was a really good dance.
Kendil: Oh, it was, it was. I loved it so much.
Brooke: Yeah.
Kendil: Yeah (laughs).
Brooke: I- Yeah. I like it more now watching it cause that- like, uh… because you know how when you’re in it, it’s like so-
Kendil: It’s different.
Brooke: Like, there’s so much you could do better. But now I’m like, that was really good.
Kendil: Yeah, oh, okay good.
Brooke: But, yeah. Um, what kinds of discrimination have you faced as a black educator in a white dominated profession?
Kendil: Ooh. Um… It’s hard to say that I faced it at… I feel like I face it more on social media, and in, environments where I’m just, like, either teaching a workshop or teaching a, um… A master class, than, I experience it at… at Future [Dance Center]. I- I- I’ve- I’ve never really exp- If- If I did experience in at Future it was never- It was always just like a parent or something. Um… I can’t think of like, a specific situation, but- I- At, Future. But I can think of situations at like- teaching at local studios. Like, for a while, people were like, oh, can you teach here? Can you teach here? Can you teach here? For like the first two years like, after Covid I- Uh- During the summer, I would teach at different studios, which I thought, I was like, oh, I really love this. Like, I love sharing. And then it just stopped and I had to reflect on why people stopped asking me. And I think it’s just because of, what I teach and how I teach and like, what I bring, and honestly what I look like. It’s not common to be, a black contemporary choreographer. It’s not common. Like you don’t see it on conventions, you don’t see it, locally like it- So, of course, like if my- if they’re intimidated by, my teachings or like, my movement, like it’s- The- They’re gonna… They’re gonna say stuff. Um, I remember this one studio… You know how my classes run, like we warm up and we start, especially if it’s like an open master class, it’s like there’s improv, and there’s certain techniques to the improv and certain- like different rounds. And, um, a couple of the girls just, like, decided to opt out. And I was just like, oh, okay, well, like, I can’t… I was like, well you can’t stay the rest of the class. Like, you have to participate in the freestyle. I’m like, even if it’s just like walking, across the floor, and like bringing your arms up or- up or down. I’m- Like that’s how you’re going to get better. It’s how you’re gonna grow. And, um… of course no offense, but two young white girls that probably weren’t used to seeing someone, of my color in that, um, in that position, teaching. Right, a- uh- a vulnerable class, you know, they’re used to just hip hop and, stuff like that. Uh- Um, because that’s what I’m category- Like that’s what people put me in. But anyways, um, so of course they complained that I was like aggressive and- I wasn’t, I was aggressive and I was mean, and I was disrespectful, but I wasn’t. I just was like; you can’t stay in class if you don’t want to improv. Like literally- Literally that was my statement. (laughs) Like, in that tone. So yeah, for sure. Um… and uh- and I- Like again at competitions, it- I feel it. You could feel it. It’s an energy transfer. You could just feel it. I remember I was with- I think this was at nationals, the year of like- like mental war and stuff. And I was sitting with Gino and Denise and uh- they know, you know, they know everybody. But someone was like, oh, like, who did that dance? And he was like, oh, like, this is Kendil like she’s our, contemporary, like company, contemporary choreographer. Just that- She did not- I don’t know why she- I don’t know what she was expecting to like see or meet, but just was like, oh, like, not even like, oh good job. Like, so weird. Yeah. Yeah. They’re- Yeah, they’re like little microaggressions, but I’m use- whatever. I’m used to it. (laughs) I don’t care.
Brooke: How do you handle that? Especially in like, the stressful competition environment?
Kendil: I used to be off the wall, like I used to always like- I used to be off the wall. Cause it was- I- I wasn’t- In the back of your mind, like, you- you’re- you’re like, oh, it’s just cause… I’m black. But like in the moment, you’re just like, bro. Like what the- you know what? And I’m just like, I- Why are you- Like, why is- Why are all these people saying this stuff about me? Like, I’m just here to, like, share my craft. So, the way I am- I mean I used to be all- Like- I used to be so confrontational. I still am, only what I needed, though. But… But, I was very like, do you have something to say? Like, is there something wrong? Like, are you doing this because of how I look? But it gets exhausting, after a while, when you’re bringing that to people, because, if they- if they’re going to say it, then they don’t care ab- a- like they’re not going to care, about anything. You say, what you ask, how you feel. Um, they… They already made the choice when they made the comment. So, yeah, I just- Now, I just- It’s- Uh, I just brush it off. It’s so hard. It’s so hard. It’s so hard. Even like the last few weeks, I’ve experienced something from like an old, dance teacher, that no longer talks to me. And I- The way I wanted to just take it to social media, but I didn’t. (laughs) I didn’t. Yeah, so you just- You learn to just, stand in who you are and keep going, that’s all. Mhm.
Brooke: Have you seen, um, a difference, in these, like… microaggressions, before and after Covid 19… and quarantine?
Kendil: Oh yeah, they’re way worse.
Brooke: Oh, really?
Kendil: Yeah. (laughs) Yes. They’re- They’re way worse because, I think… I don’t want to get into the politics. I think they’re way worse just because of, certain people, in office at the time. Just have made it okay to- For… Like white supremacists or racist people just to bring it- To- Like- to the front and just with like- With no, um, consequence nothing. So, I mean, I can go, into, the [dance] studio tomorrow and a parent can say something to me. What? What am I supposed to say? Do- Like it- You know? Or like… Yeah. They’re just, they’re obviously way worse, even in schools. Being a school dance teacher too, um, I’ve seen kids… say things to other kids, and it’s just like, where do you get that from? Or like Mia, she’ll come home and be like, oh well someone said that my hair looks like leaves. That’s a microaggression. Like what- Where are you learning that? Who in your household is telling you black girls hair looks like leaves? Like and why would you say that? So, like- Or like touching. Touching. Just touching hair is a micro- Like- It’s- It- It’s, insane. It- It’s- It’s a lot worse, to be honest, in my opinion. From experience. Yeah.
Brooke: Yeah, I’m sorry. That’s-
Kendil: No. It’s okay, (laughs) it’s not your fault.
Brooke: I know- Well- I know, I just, I would have hoped it would have gotten better (laughs).
Kendil: Oh, yeah. I mean ho- uh, no. It’s always been there.
Brooke: Um, do you want to talk a little bit just to your experience, um, on teaching dance in a school.
Kendil: Yeah. It’s, um… you see, more of how certain communities are treated. So from- Out of Covid, up until, I think last January, I was in a school, um… on the East Side [of Buffalo, New York]. And, it- And, that is like, you know… it’s not… the best community. They don’t have a lot of resources. So you’re dealing with a lot of kids from, broken homes and, you know, parents on drugs- Like so much because of lack of resources and support for that community. So, teaching those kids, I will say, was very special and rewarding, but also at the same time, very draining. Um… and you can tell that a lot of them took to dance because, again, it’s rooted in their DNA, and again, because it’s- It’s a safe space. Um, and of course, the school, cut, the dance program, because, why would they keep that? Right. So, I- It’s hard. It was hard. It was very hard. Um… Yeah, you can tell a lot of the kids needed it, especially in that community. Um… and again, you see so much, you see so much, and you question, like, the works of like, the government and they- Like, you just question so much when you’re in those type of, um, environments. Um, now I’m at a different school… It’s a little better, um, because it’s like- I’m at, a Elmwood Charter School. It’s still- It’s just as diverse as the other school. It’s a little better. Um… Kids don’t know- Like, uh, they’re coming- They’re- They’re coming from like a ballet teacher to a teacher that knows all genres of dance like. And, it- It’s great because it’s just like- They’re like, oh, I don’t know, like, this was a type of dance. And I’m talking about, like basic jazz dance. So I’m happy to be in that space to teach them, like their history and then like, teach others like, this is like dance too, like it’s not just, ballet, which is not, the foundation of dance, but, um, so it’s good. Like I said, it’s challenging. Cause you meet so many different kids from so many different backgrounds, so many different homes. Um, but it’s definitely rewarding, for sure.
Brooke: Are you teaching them, all styles of dance, then?
Kendil: Yeah. Mhm.
Brooke: Um… I forgot my next question.
Kendil: (laughs) It’s okay. It’s early.
Brooke: (laughs) Um, okay. What are some things that, um, specifically from the first school, you took away and, like, kept with you, I guess? Like lessons you learned.
Kendil: Like from the first school I taught at? Or-
Brooke: Yeah.
Kendil: Oh. Um. Patience. Patience, and meeting, young, people, I’m just gonna say young people, like young humans, on the level that they’re at. Um, not everyone processes and… grows at the same rate. It- It’s very important that we are very, uh- And intentional. Being intentional about what you teach, and intentional with them, cause they’re the next, right, they’re the next generation. So it’s our responsibility to raise them, to make them aware, to be intentional with, um… loving on them and supporting them and creating safe spaces, that weren’t really created for us when I was like that age, in the schools and studios.
Brooke: Mhm.
Kendil: Like even at the studio with Mia’s group, creating a safe space. I didn’t have that at eight years old. I didn’t even know what that was… meaning like, emotionally. And just- All- Like, all types of… support. I didn’t know what that was at eight years old. So, making sure you’re creating that, for the- Especially that younger generation. Um, so yeah, definitely patience and… intentional teaching… for sure. Cause it’s easy, right, to teach steps. But, you have to be intentional. Well- Oh I’m teaching this, because of this. Um, you can also connect it to like social-emotional learning. Like dance is connected to that. So, like I said, it’s very- Yeah. It- That was like a big lesson actually, I learned from the last school. Was just being very intentional cause those kids, if you’re not they will like, go a-wall. Yeah. (laughs) Literally off the wall
Brooke: Were you teaching, at the school- Did you start after Covid 19 hit or before?
Kendil: Um, I started during, so I started, the fall of 2021 when, we still had restrictions, and lockdown, and school was getting back.
Brooke: Mhm.
Kendil: But the class sizes were like small. You still had to wear a mask. And I remember school would close down for a week cause like, everybody had Covid.
Brooke: Mhm. Yeah.
Kendil: So, it was um… I was int- Yeah, that was my first year of teaching at a school. Um… which I liked… the first year. I don’t know if- Cause it was like smaller, shorter days probably. But, yeah, I started during then. Mhm.
Brooke: Um, were there like differences in the kids, when they were and when they weren’t wearing a mask?
Kendil: Yeah. I mean, they’re kids. They don’t want to, have that thing on their face.
Brooke: Right.
Kendil: A big difference. You know, they’re ripping it off, they’re like, I can’t breathe even though they can like (laughs).
Brooke: (laughs) Yeah.
Kendil: Um… yeah, and once, like, the mask mandate like, lifted, I think it was like, the second school year where it was like, officially, you know, you didn’t have to wear one, you could see a lot more of their personalities. They were a lot more comfortable. You know, you’re not worrying about… that. You’re still worried about getting sick cause all of the germs, but, um, you can see more of them, of like, who they are, too. Cause you’re thinking like, okay, they were isolated… at, three- Two and three years old, now they’re- Or whatever, they’re going into kindergarten at four or five… Pre-K, kindergarten. Now they have to wear this mask. Like that’s like, a lot, for like a tiny human to take on. Yeah.
Brooke: Um, did you see differences in your dancers, like at Future… during Covid, and after, and before, too, I guess?
Kendil: Um… Okay, for- It- This is going to sound so backwards. But for me, I think, and maybe it was just a handful, of you guys. I think a lot… It- Or, actually, half and half. I think a lot, uh- Half of the students, fell off, and left and quit and gave up, understandably so. But I also feel like the other half… Like, I don’t know, like- Just, like, worked super hard. Because, the- Because I think that was like the year of like Mental War- Like, at, least the beginning of the year, like Mental War, I think we were still wearing masks.
Brooke: Yeah. We were.
Kendil: Like- So… a lot of like, a lot of driven, energy, and passion, in my opinion. The younger groups, not so much, but like that specific group [Teens and Seniors]… it was like- It was like half and half, and you could definitely see the difference. Like this group was like, I’m not going to let this, like, get in, the way. Um, but I also think it depends on the teacher. Right. Like, I was mentally struggling with my own stuff. My granddad passed like in the middle of me creating that dance. So, and then I was still struggling with my own personal mental stuff, so. But I didn’t want to go in there and be like, okay, well, like I’m just gonna, do my- Like, no, I had to go in there driven, with a mask to- To inspire you guys like, you just- You kind of have to, like… put your, big girl pants on, be like, okay, you’re about to go in front of all these kids, who are, like, in and out of, like, high school and like school and like, they’re like, you- We had to be examples. So I think that has a lot even- In- Even like Denise and Gino, but I think that has a lot to do with it. But yeah, for me it was like… half and half. Now, and I- I think now those same students… but maybe over the last couple of years, like those same students like, did so well with their growth because, they didn’t let that hinder their growth. Where there’s a specific group that did let it hinder. So now they’re so behind… where like your group- You’re group now, I know you’re not there, but, a lot of them are just like flourishing because… They’re like, no, I’m not going to like, give up. So, I see like more growth and like, a difference, if that, makes sense, like, a lot of growth.
Brooke: Yeah.
Kendil: And now they’re able to do all these things because, they were so invested. They still get on my nerves, (laughs) but they’ve had a lot of growth. For sure.
Brooke: Yeah. I remember, like, that was the part of Covid that I liked was that I was dancing more. Cause I was still training-
Kendil: You were on fire (laughs).
Brooke: I was still training at AAB [the American Academy of Ballet] like when, Covid hit.
Kendil: Right. Mhm.
Brooke: So then I was taking all those classes on top of all the Future classes, and I could dance more. So I- Yeah.
Kendil: Yeah, yeah, you were on fire. You weren’t playing (laughs).
Brooke: Yeah. And I had just, like- That was the- Right after the first time I hurt my knee. So then I was just trying to get back. Yeah. So I was like, I gotta catch up.
Kendil: Oh, right. Yeah. But that’s an example, yeah. You didn’t let that like, hinder. And now look at you. You had such a great, journey, there. And now you’re, in the city of- One of the most, dancing cities, out there, you know. So like, you didn’t let that- Yeah. Imagine if you did, let that, like, hinder you. Yeah. So, no, I’m very proud of you.
Brooke: Thank you.
Kendil: Uh-huh.
Brooke: Um, what were some of, the, challenges you faced with teaching, on zoom?
Kendil: Oh, I hated it. I would cry, like, every day. I would- I would- I would dread it so much. I would dread it so much. But that really tested… if… that- So- If that was- Like- If dance and, teaching chor- Like, that was a big test, because, it was easy to be like, yeah, no, Gino, I quit, like I can’t do this. Very easy. Because what are you gonna do? Like I- You can’t- (laughs) You can’t speak to me-
Brooke: Yeah (laughs). Okay.
Kendil: You’re not going to see me for a year. But, um… very testy. It was rough. It was very, very rough. But I did it… you know, I had the- I made sure the kids were, like, putting the camera on their feet so I could see (laughs)
Brooke: (laughs)
Kendil: But, um, it was hard, but, because, kids were still showing up, then, I had no excuse, like, I had to show up. In the living room, you know, we are all quarantined together, me and my family (laughs). Mia was running around in the background, nothing I can do. Cats going crazy. But it’s okay (laughs). Yeah. All I can say, it was a hard time. Um, but it- It has, um- It molted me. It humbled me, for sure. It- I think some, a lot of people’s experiences, especially in an artistic world, um… It’s so hard cause you know, I’m grateful for, that, time, cause, like- I- I’m not, but I also like, am, at, like I’m- I learned a lot, for sure. Yeah.
Brooke: Did you have, um, a harder time showing up, cause I know throughout, like, the year, attendance was declining, like on Zoom (laughs). Did that, like, make it harder teaching?
Kendil: Yeah, cause what are- you’re not doing nothing. If you don’t turn on the Zoom (laughs). Yeah. It was very depressing because then I’m like, oh my gosh, like what if they [Future Dance Center] go out of business? It was very sad because you’re just like I-
Brooke: Yeah.
Kendil: Nobody knew what was going to happen with anything. So, it was- It was hard. It was two people [on Zoom]. I’m like, hey, (laughs). And it’s like a forty-five-minute class, I’m like, oh my gosh.
Brooke: (laughs) Yeah.
Kendil: Yeah, it was hard. It was hard to show up for sure. Yeah.
Brooke: Um, outside of, uh, teaching at the studio, what was your quarantine experience like?
Kendil: Wasn’t bad. I- We were… all, with my mom. So it was me, my two sisters, Mia, and my mom. Um, a lot of family time. A lot of family time. A lot of, um… like, realization, like, oh, we- I- Like, I need to go to therapy, kind of stuff, so like, a lot of… quality time, but also building, um, boundaries that also made our bond stronger. Um, I can’t remember, a time during, like, quarantine where we were… Not getting along- I think that just brought us closer. Um. Just the fear. You know, my mom, is a nurse, so, like, her working, and my sister worked at- Was like, HR, at a nursing home, so, like, just, like, a lot of fear. Um, but we, like, supported- Like we had game night, and stuff. Ate a lot. I gained a lot of weight during the pandemic, but we won’t talk about that (laughs).
Brooke: Mm (laughs).
Kendil: Um, yeah, it was good. And Mia was very well taken care of. Um… she would just be dancin’, the whole time. Like that girl (laughs), she didn’t really know what was going on, so. That was nice. Yeah. It was good. It was a good- I was in a good space.
Brooke: (laughs) Did you, um… enjoy like the slowdown of like, having less to do and like-
Kendil: Um, at first. But then it was just like, no, I just want to go work, like, what is going on? Like, at first you’re like, oh, wow, like, you don’t have to do anything. But then, our- Um… I think the Winter Show got canceled… that winter. Were you there that year? That was your first? When- When they shut down?
Brooke: Yeah. Yeah. That was my first year, yeah.
Kendil: Yeah. And then I was just like, oh, that’s sad. And then… Yeah, everything just started getting canceled because were- they- I remember Gino’s like oh we’ll- We’ll- We’ll be back in like, two weeks. I was like, yeah, this is not going to last long. And it ended up being what it was. So, um… yeah at first, because, you know, it’s overwhelming… especially when you’re teaching for… people like them. In a good way. Like it’s overwhelming. You know, you have all these, expectations and requirements. So yeah, I’m like, oh, I get to rest. But I- It was too mu- It was too long. It was too long. Yeah.
Brooke: Um. Uh, what were some of the other, like, challenges you faced during, quarantine in particular?
Kendil: I just didn’t know if… I was going to be able to, like, be a dance teacher. That was a lo- Like, the art- The arts was like, the last thing on everybody’s mind. It’s like the arts got wiped out for like, a year or two years. And like in all, not just dance, but like all art, worlds, like music, theater, Broadway was done, it- Uh- They were down for a very long time. So, it was- LA (Los Angeles), just, it’s still not the same, like… That- That dance world- That, what it used to be, got, like, wiped out, and it’s just- I don’t, ever feel like it’s coming back. So… you know, you’re seeing that happen and it’s just like, I don’t even know if like, I’m going to be like, a dance teacher. So I started like looking, to go back to school, which I did… for like surg. tech. and stuff. But I never finished because I just, I didn’t like it, and I just was doing it cause I’m like, oh, I need a backup plan kind of thing. Um… so, yeah, it just- I didn’t know what was going to happen. It was hard.
Brooke: What, um, effects of quarantine/Covid-19 are you still seeing… in your, daily life?
Kendil: Um… Well, I feel like everybody can say financial, right? Because it’s a whole different world now in the finance world. And then, um… Well, I- Uh… It was like my body, but not now, because I’m, working on it, but, like… Uh- My body was so used to, um… moving… All the- From [age] three, all the way up until, even during my pregnancy, and even right after Mia. I went right back to the studio, like two weeks after I had her. I wasn’t supposed to, but I went right back to teaching, so- And I was at the gym. So it was so used to moving and that takes a toll, like, on your body, because, for a year, you’re not really moving, or a year to two years, I guess I would say. So then, all these injuries like, started, like my knee, and then like, my back and I’m just like, what? So I’m still like, experiencing, like, little injuries. Like I sprained (laughs)– I sprained my ankle in the beginning of the season. I’m just like, how did that happen? So, which, it never used to happen before. So I think my body is still, kind of behind. That’s why I’m like… I wasn’t, the best, this week, but like that’s why I’m like going to the gym every- cause I have- I’m like- I have to get back to where I was… because I teach so much now.
Brooke: Right.
Kendil: Like, that’s all I do now, all day, is teach. So, I have to be, fit. I have to be in shape. And I was, I really was before Covid. And then, you’re just like sitting around. No matter how much I’m teaching on Zoom, no matter how much I’m working out virtually or stretching, it’s just not the same, at all.
Brooke: Right.
Kendil: So, for me, those are the effects, like, I’m still experiencing. Yeah.
Brooke: Yeah. And like, you can only go so full out in your house.
Kendil: Yeah. No, for sure. And my house isn’t a gym, so I don’t have the equipment. Like I was like, you know, improving, like what to do and stuff, so. Yeah.
Brooke: Um, do you have any last words for our interview before we stop recording?
Kendil: Oh, um… no. Thank you. This was, um, this was actually eye opening for me. I’ve never been asked about my experience… with all the things that you’ve asked me, so it was very refreshing to, like, answer those questions and, like, actually say them, like my answers out loud, if that makes sense.
Brooke: Yeah, yeah.
Kendil: And so, I really appreciate that for sure.
Brooke: Yes. Okay. Thank you Kendil!
Kendil: You’re welcome!
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